Hello all,
Last Tuesday the 20th of August, I along with my son and his BT (behavioral technician or TSS) went to the Carlisle YMCA for some recreational swimming. Well it seems there are issues with JR going into the ladies changing room with me since he is aging. Of which I completely understand. What I don’t understand is how anyone can consider a bathroom a “family changing room.” Below is my letter to the director of the Carlisle Y terminating our membership. I wanted to make this issue public to the local autism community in case you contribute money via United Way or have a membership with the Y in the event that this offends you as much as it does me.
=====================================================================
28AUG08
To: Marcia Drozdowski
Executive Director YMCA
Carlisle PA 17013
Ms. Drozdowski,
My family and I are terminating our membership with the Carlisle YMCA. I believe you have a right to know why. Initially it was lack of use and cost. However, after the events of 20AUG08 there is another reason to add to this list, discrimination.
On the 20th my son, his TSS and myself came to swim (around noon) during the recreational swim time. As it turns out while we were getting ready to leave a gentleman (slim build, 5′8″ reddish short hair) informed me that I can no longer take my son into the ladies changing room, due to the uncomfortable nature of the situation. Of which I do understand, however the “family changing room” that the YMCA has is a bathroom pure and simple and no amount of superficial surface modification to a bathroom is going to turn it magically into a family changing room. Furthermore, it is insulting to think that modifying a bathroom would somehow make it ok. It doesn’t.
Now, I will admit I should have sent my son in the men’s changing room with his male TSS, however typically when we do come to the Y it is usually my son and I and frankly I didn’t even think to ask his TSS if he would take him into the men’s changing room. My son cannot go into a boys changing room alone as he has autism and he is non-verbal. Being non-verbal makes him an easy mark for any pervert who may have a membership to the Y.
In my opinion what the YMCA, under your direction is practicing is nothing short of discrimination. According to dictionary.com one definition of discrimination is: “treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit: racial and religious intolerance and discrimination.” Your condoning; even encouraging, of the policy of the YMCA falls under the “category” (a disability; i.e. autism) of discrimination.
Enclosed with this letter is the form required by the YMCA to terminate our membership. In addition I am enclosing an article that was in Saturday, August 23rd’s Sentinel is a piece on autism and discrimination.
As a parent of a child who has autism, I have been dealing with this sort of thing since he was first diagnosed at the age of 3. Frankly, I am tired of it and refuse to abide by societies narrow-minded attitudes when it comes to the autistic community. Our children are unique and intelligent (and no, most are not mentally impaired) individuals, however they have issues that make it difficult for them to process sensations the way you and I do. Everything comes into their brains at one time and they have difficulties separating sight from sound, from touch, from smell.
I will be informing, via my on-line group, the on-line group of the Harrisburg chapter of the Autism Society of America and my blog that families in the area who have a child with autism may want to reconsider their financial contributions and their memberships to the Y as well.
======================================================================================
So is this discrimination or am I being overly sensitive to the situation? If you care to express your opinion to the Carlisle YMCA please go here. Also the excutive director’s e-mail address is included in the tags below.
John,
We actual changed at home before going swimming. Here’s the thing though; the YMCA states that one must take a shower before using the pool (our activity of the day). The “family changing room” has no shower in it (and there are no showers in the pool area only the locker rooms). Actually, it isn’t even a family changing room to begin with. It’s strictly a bathroom. No locker storage for personal effects. Not even a place to sit down to change.
As to the other women being uncomfortable, yes I agree as stated above. However, there was no one in the changing room either before we went swimming or while we were changing after swimming.
By: Deborah Delp on 2008/11/06
at 11:44 PM
this is not discrimination. I imagine it would be highly uncumfortable for a woman to have an 11 year old boy in a changing room.
if your son cannot change in the mens bathroom alone, you need to take a male with you who can go in with him, or change before you get there.
By: John on 2008/11/06
at 11:06 PM
Eric,
I agree that many women would object to an 11 year old boy in the ladies changing room and that argument may have actually held some water if there was anyone in the changing room the two times we were there since oh, Christmas time. My objection doesn’t stem from that. It stems from the fact that the “family changing” room is nothing but a bathroom with a stall and sink. No locker to secure personal property and no shower which is required by the Y’s own rules in order to swim. Also no place to sit.
I stand by my position that what happened to my son was discrimination and that the Y apparently (after doing a little online research) is known for this kind of behavior. For an organization that claims to be “Christian” in it’s foundation, they certainly do not behave that way.
By: Deborah Delp on 2008/09/24
at 12:22 PM
Deb, you never say how old your son JR is. Many women would not be comfortable having your son in their changing room. The world does not revolve around your son, or any group of people. It is hard for any place to accommodate everybody and their special needs. As a disabled person I accept that I am not going to get to all the wonderful vistas in Yellowstone Park. To make it accessible, safe or easy for me, would require destroying with macadam what I think is beautiful about the park. Same with putting an elevator in so disabled people can go down into the Grand Canyon. As for your son, maybe you will not be able to go swimming at the Y unless there is a male friend or his male TSS worker along with him in the male changing room. If he is capable and safe to change alone in the men’s room, you denying him this problem solution based on lurking paedophile at the Y, is irrational. Yes it can happen happen but one would never leave the house if you live your life on this possibility. Raising an autistic child is a challenge especially if a single parent. Perhaps your autism group can raise money to give to the Y to put in the type of family changing room you would like to see for your son and others. The Y is far from perfect, I object to the Y not letting gay families have family membership rates. I think you are being overly sensitive in this instance. You are trying to destroy rather than build and improve.
By: eric on 2008/09/24
at 11:22 AM
I commend you on standing up for your rights as a parent of a child with autism. I often wonder about the same issue. What also are fathers to do? If my husband is to take our 9-year-old daughter, who happens to have high-functioning autism, on a shopping outting, who will accompany her to the restroom? Aren’t there any others out there who wonder about such issues? What do others do?
By: Melissa on 2008/08/30
at 6:12 PM