Posted by: debstake | March 9, 2011

A New Blog…Hope…Edited

My friend Lisa has a new blog called lightning strikes. It can be found HERE. She is new to blogging but her second post is the one that intrigues me now. She calls it “What is Hope”. And all though I have covered this topic in various ways before on this blog I believe it is worth visiting again.

So what is hope? By it’s proper definition (that can be found at hope is: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Not a very colorful or inspiring definition, but functional. For me, hope is a very personal, spiritual, even a Godly gift. The greatest of God’s gifts to his children actually. I know the bible says the greatest is love, and of course I was raised to believe this. But being one who thinks outside the box (proudly), I must disagree with this assessment.  It is hope that drives us in all aspects of our lives. We hope to get a great job so we go to college. We hope to live a long life so we choose to make good life choices. We hope that those who guide us are doing so in order to protect us (that has proven to be a false hope for our families with children who have vaccine-induced autism). Every decision we make is because of hope. Faith is based on hope as well. Love is based on hope as well.

As a parent of a child with autism my “hopes” have changed over the course of the past ten years. Going from hoping autism would just go away to hoping for JR’s ability to speak, neither of which would come to my wanted conclusion. OR what I thought was my wanted conclusion. See, even though God gives us many gifts, hope being but one, sometimes the “gift” is when we don’t get what we are asking for!  Being “forced” to keep autism has made us better people, stronger people, a better family.

At the same time I found out about Lisa’s blog site (she has added a great deal of content since I began this blog (my post may take me a week to finish)) I got an e-mail from my pastor, a general information for the congregation e-mail. He added something to it called: THOUGHT 2 THINK ABOUT. And the thought? Again HOPE!! Here is the thought: “Where does your hope come from?  Don’t answer right away with the right answer, think about it and answer with the truth for you.  Does your hope come from your job, the paycheck, the possibility of promotion?  Maybe getting that house, that television or even that date.  Does hope come from what you  can do to make your situation different?  Right in the midst of your circumstances…where is your hope?  Now…talk with God…”

And my response:


Ironic that at a time I am writing a blog entry on hope that it should be your “thought 2 think about” topic. For me hope does in fact come from the “right” answer. Family, without doubt keeps me focused, grounded, the reason I put my feet on the floor some days! But ultimately it is family that gives me HOPE!!
In just JR alone I see what hope has done. And prayers, for guidance, patience, willpower and a good day. That actually is how I see things now, daily. I don’t plan too far ahead anymore and the relief I have gained from that simple act is what helps feed my hope too.
In Samantha they are just as profound but overlooked by many (myself included on occasion) because she isn’t “special” (enough). ADHD presents many of its own issues (and as an FYI some are very similar to autism). But the human being she is growing into I couldn’t be prouder of. She may not be your bible reading Christian, but she has the true spirit of Christianity in spite of or more likely (I hope)  because of her experiences with bigotry she has felt at the hands of her peers where JR is concerned. Like Rodney and I when JR was diagnosed our circle of friends began to shift. Naturally and as I see it in hind sight it would be expected. Focus changes and other factors sometimes do too. She may not be a straight A student but she has something that only ONE book can give you. She is one of the most compassionate, giving and loving people I know. And at the same time she (like me) can be a ***ch on wheels!!

For Rodney and me, well autism has been, and I suspect probably always will be;  bittersweet. I don’t need to explain the “bitter” portion. The sweet has been very subtle, though consistent over the past 10 years. Small things mostly, except save one big one. Autism literally saved my marriage! I know you think the opposite would be true. And by some sources 80% of the marriages where autism lives don’t survive. I don’t necessarily believe that but those are the stats.

“Does hope come from what you  can do to make your situation different?”
But of course hope feeds our actions. In EVERY situation you have at least 2 options; positive and negative. Taking a negative can be flipped to a positive. The problem for most people I think, me included (at times)  is the lack of patience. Flipping takes time. Sometimes a lot of it. In some situations it’s a lifetime endeavor.



  1. David Sullivan, I will be contacting you soon. I have checked your site out and am thrilled to find someone local who is offering to help. I just “hope” you take insurance….LOL

    To everyone else who commented; thank you for your kind words. I would NEVER think of charging a dime for any information I generate. How could I, my sources are all free. Even when I had my website I never charged for access to that either. It is abhorrent that there are those ripping parents of children with ASD off. We parents can least afford it.

  2. Bravo, magnificent idea
    zdjęcia ślubne Łódź

  3. This is such a wonderful useful resource that you are providing and you give it absent free of charge. I love seeing web sites that understand the value of providing a quality useful resource for free. It’s the old what goes around comes around program.

  4. It’s inspiring to see that you are persisting with a positive attitude despite all the ups and downs. Let me in turn, offer you hope. I know the neurological issues and mechanisms behind the symptoms of autism. I understand what is going wrong in the brain. I can, and do make a huge difference for children and their families in the Harrisburg area. I am part f the cutting edge field of functional neurology, and we work in the ballpark of recovery, not just supportive care. Please check out my website. The science is there. We’re already bringing kids back.

  5. Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

  6. Hi there, interesting post liked a lot,I think we could became blog friends lol!
    Apart all Jokes I´m Cristiano, like you, I publish all over the web, even tought my website conten is very different from your…..
    I make poker blogs about poker without deposit……..
    Enjoyed a lot here

  7. I am glad my post is thought provoking for you. I have done my job here. But wait I am editing the post. It may help you understand better what I am thinking.

  8. It’s interesting to see this point of view. I can’t say fore sure if I agree or not, but it is something I will think about now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: